Frozen...

My ass was the firmest it's EVER been this morning!!

No, it wasn't from any DYANMIC workout... it was from the fucking, cold-ass weather we're having. Fourteen dregrees isn't bad itself... but coupled with a 10 mph wind... that shit is COLD! Especially during a 1.5 mile walk into downtown... What was I thinking!?!

It's now about 11:30am and I'm regaining feeling in my tush. Too bad I have to walk back to my car this evening. *sigh*

Mental note: Swallow my pride and goto Wal-Mart for long underwear.
Mental note: Buy a flask for portable booze. Not a metal one tho... my lips would freeze to it on days like this.

A Day at the Gym

OK... I know someone, somewhere wrote the gym rants were 'SO 2004' but I need to get this out in the air... It's more a story than a rant, but it kinda of encapsulates my fortune/misfortune.
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Last week, I headed to the gym on a Thursday afternoon a little later than normal. I get there and head into the upper locker room because I prefer not to shower with the kids who come in for swimming lessons. That wierds me out.

When you walk into the upper locker room, it kind of splits in two. To the left is the larger portion of the lockers, the showers, sauna and steamroom. To the right is a bathroom and a smaller section of lockers where I usually make my home.

I'm not one for exhibitionism and tend to be rather modest so I seek the seclusion of the little locker room. There is an understanding with the regulars of the afternoon that I have the last locker on the second row (left-hand side) and I expect at least one locker in between me and any other person. I've been at the gym for a while and I have just asked people to move. :-)

Anyway, I go about my business and Thursday is a 'chest' day, so I got a pretty good workout in but didn't give myself enough time to sit in the sauna.

I hurry and take a quick shower and head all the way across the locker room back to my area. I'm almost done getting dressed when he walks in...

He's about 5' 10', 150lbs, shaved head, goatee, scrawny veiny limbs and has an aura of icky-ness. I've seen him around before, actually chatted with him a bit (he's a chatty-cathy), and usually tried my hardest to avoid him at all costs.

He comes sauntering back into my area of the locker room and says, 'So, this is where he hangs out!' I'm trying to finish dressing ASAP but fumble because I'm feeling fairly uncomfortable... Mind you, he's wrapped only in his towel and not AT ALL attactive to me.

He continues, 'SO, do they still mess around back here? I used to have a locker back here and we'd fuck around ALL the time. Well, until they started breaking into the lockers and all the thefts happened. We all moved back into the main room.'

I made a comment about that kind of stuff happening in the steamroom and sauna and he decided to take it a bit further, 'Come on! It's fun to watch and kind of exciting! I bet you'd be fun to see with a hard-on!' I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door.

I don't think ANYONE could re-create the shade of red I turned... I just said 'It's not that impressive.' and he continued, 'I bet you have a boyfriend.' 'Yup,' I said putting on my coat. 'The solid boys like you ALWAYS do.'

At that, I bolted out the door...

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My question is: What does 'solid' mean? It's not used the same way 'husky' is used for kids, is it?

Happy Valentines Day!!

Cm and I celebrated Valentines Day AND 6 months of dating last night. It's hard to believe that we've been seeing each other for that long...

We ventured out to P.F. Changs for an EXCELLENT dinner and then a little bit of shopping in Southdale... It was a very nice evening!

Mikey also got me some GREAT clothes for Valentines Day!! I think he was sick of my other work clothes. :-)

I {heart} CM!

I went over last night after work to drop off his parking pass which I had been using.

He bought me a book. It's a compilation of the first three books in the Dragonlance Chronicles and I had just finished that last book in the series. It's even annotated by the Authors!

I'm VERY excited to start reading it!! It's even autographed!

*SMOOOOOCHES* to Mikey!

Need a Change!

Aiight, Last night I got home and we had no Internet. Time Warner (in their self-proclaimed infinite wisdom) had applied the payment to the incorrect account and we were left out of service. I tried to talk Carlos into raising some hell, but he said he got scared. Anyway, it should be back on this morning, but too late for the big project I completed last night.

I went over to Mikey's and sent my resume to 10-15 employers that had been looking for people through Monster.com and careerbuilder.com. I applied for some business analyst positions, some QA positions and some support positions.

I'm really into testing new applications and trying to 'break' them. That's essentially what a QA person does. I'm proficient in manual testing, but the automated stuff is what I want to learn.

I put a good 3 hours into my search last night and i'll be hitting the papers this weekend.

I need a prescription...

Hola!

Sorry it's been so long for a posting, but I took a couple days off of work to rest and re-group.

I've been dealing with a headache since Saturday night, so my time off wasn't quite as peaceful as I had hoped for. I'm almost out of Advil and i've had enough caffine to kill a cow, but it still lingers. I've got to try my peppermint oil that I have here at work. It usually deadens some of the pain, so i'm optimistic.

I also had to take CM in for another follow-up with his surgeon. Apparently when the surgery was done the surgeon left the lower part of the cyst wall thinking it would be a problem. Right now there is some sort of ganulation tissue that keeps developing that tey need to 'burn off' to help promote the healing... ick... He's going to decide in 2 weeks if they need to go back in and remove the lower part of the cyst wall.

CM plans on going back to work tomorrow for a shortened day. It's kinda wild that it's been 3 weeks already...

So far, we've no plans for Valentines Day. We'd go out to dinner, but he's a bit self-consious about having to bring his special little cushion to sit on. So, it'll be a quiet night at home...

Distractions...

I worked on my taxes all night tonight. I was trying to see if someone could give me a better refund than the other... nope. didn't happen.

I called CM around 10:15pm and was chatting with him. I also rememberd that I ate out today and was kinda feeling guilty about it. I had decided I should run to the store and get some groceries so I can make something to take with tomorrow.

So, I gather up my things and put the pups away... head out the door to Cub Foods. I'm still chatting with CM at this point and go into auto-pilot mode. I'm headed toward work. Shit!

35W doesn't have many grocery stores on it except the Quarry's Rainbow Foods. So, off I go.

I'm tooling around RF and grabbing all the fixings for a nice salad, some hot pockets and some sammich fixins... I get up to the register and I can't find my wallet. I looking in EVERY pocket, the cart, and I even ran out tot he car to see if I left it on the seat.

I went back into RF and told them I forgot my money. I thought I was going to die from the looks i was given... they weren't all that pleased.

So, moral of the story: Don't talk to cute boys while trying to leave to go somewhere... they make you funny in the head... Lesson learned.

Now I have to figure out what to do for lunch tomorrow... :-(

G'Night Peeps!

Question...

Why is it that straight men require a seat in between them at the movie theatres, but in an empty locker room they decide to saddle-up right next to you leaving very little room for the Holy Spirit?

I don't get it...

Targay

Ok, as most of you know, I work at Target part-time. I am on my 4th year and only work one day a week. I need to relay some of my experiences because they are funny/strange and I keep forgetting to write shit down...

This past Saturday I had a guy approach me an lean in to ask me a question. He was cute, Carhart coat, baseball cap, scruffy-looking, whitetrash-ish, but had a nice butt... I could tell he was looking for something of a discreet nature. What could it be? Condoms? Lube? My number?

'I don't want to sound TOO gay, but where can I find the curling irons?' -- I find it quite ironic that with 8 other men working in the store, he seems to find the one gay man to ask this question to...

I send him on his way and went back to doing my work... After about 10 minutes he's back in Electronics and looking for games. My co-worker helps him out, but it appeared he felt a little awkward getting just a curling iron, because he spent another $80 on video games... When my co-worker scans the curling iron he made sure everyone in the vicinity heard 'That's NOT for me!'

Gotta love the straight boys!

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There is this woman that comes in EVERY Saturday... She's older, somewhat well-to-do, and COMPLETELY annoying. I find myself running in the opposite direction and hiding behind the kitty litter to avoid her questions...

when I first started, I didn't know any better. She'd catch me in the home office area and soon I'd become her personal shopper. Now, I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree but I DO catch on after a while.

What triggered it for me was one day I was working close to the front of the store, I WATCHED her walk in the front door and she found me within 30 seconds and said, "Excuse me, I've been looking for a few things and I just can't find them.'

BULLSHIT, SISTER!!

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Again, I was working in Electronics (closer to close), and a 'bear'-type gentleman comes up to me and starts asking me questions about portable DVD players. It was apparent he didn't know ANYTHING about them, but was intently listening to what I had to say.

We kept eye contact (i do that when trying to explain shit to people) and apparently his gaydar registered a 'blip'... Or at least he thought it did.

I was standing about 3 feet away from him and talking directly to him. I turned to refer to the players on display and I could see him looking at me the entire time and I caught something out of the corner of my eye.

His hand was slowly rising from him side and aimed for my crotch!! I started to panic a bit so I knelt down and opened one of the cases to grab a boxed player to occupy his friendly fingers.

Kneeling in front of a man making advances on you is NOT a good idea. He moved in closer, with crotch at eye-level, and began massaging himself.

Now, mind you, we've been talking about portable DVD players this whole time. I finally grabbed one fromt he case, stood back up and said, 'I think this one would be the best one for you.'

He agreed and followed me over to the counter. I rang it up, and swiped his first card... Declined.
I swiped the second card (check card) and it went through. This was back in the day when you actually had to sign paper at Target, so he gladly took the slip and signed it.

While signing he says, 'Maybe you could write your number down for me, just in case I have any questions about how to set it up...'

'Umm... You can just call the store and ask anyone in the department your questions.'

He proceeds to write his phone number on the charge slip and hand it over to me. I quickly shove it in the register and smile and take off for another part of the department. I find a co-work and she was like, 'Wow, you were with him for a while!'

I said, 'He wasn't interested in the DVD player at ALL!' I told her what happened and all she could do was laugh... I bet her he'd return it the next day.

Before close, I went to the service desk to pick up our things to put away and guess what I found?

The same DVD player I had sold an hour before... :-)

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And, the BEST for last...

Because of it's proximity to 'Swish and Disco', my Target is lovingly referred to as 'Targay.'

About a year after working there, I noticed a somewhat hot guy cruising me whenever he was in the store. He'd grab a book, stand at the end of the aisle I was working in and watch me work. I throw him a flirtacious glance and he'd smile; it's nice to be acknowledged once in a while.

One day, he had come up and asked me some questions about digital cameras (my forte) and I tried to help him understand it all. He said thank you and proceeded to the front of the store to check out. I had to pee badly, so I headed to the restrooms to relieve myself.

I made it up to the restrooms and bellied up to one of the unrinals. I hear someone come in (I don't look around when I'm doing that stuff) and enter the handicapped stall behind me. I don't think anything of it and finish my business. I really had to go so it took a bit to finish the job.

I close up shop, flush, turn around and the door to the stall is wide-open. This guy was standing at the side of the toilet, workout pants halfway down his thighs, and was pleasuring himself fiercely... I was stunned, so I know I looked longer than normal, but as soon as he said 'You look so much like Colin Ferrell!' I had to bolt. I was out of there SO fast and I think I was a brighter shade of red than my vest. And I didn't get to wash my hands...

I've never told ANYONE about that until now... And now I can't stop chuckling!

So, there ya go. A few stories to make you think twice about working retail as a second-job.

Later!