Why am I having trust issues? I've had some time to think about me (I went home early yesterday because I felt like SHIT) and how I interact with others and how I can make sure I don't make mistakes with my friends (new and current) and CM.
I'm not focusing on any one incident, but looking at my collective experiences since I made my first friend back in Elementary School. Twenty-five years of friends coming and going. Seven years of being 'out' in the gay community. Plenty of time to become guarded.
I can remember when all I had to do was put my faith in someone and I COULD trust them, and that trust lasted until disproved. Maybe it was the innocence of youth or the ignorance of not knowing how people really work.
Friends abandoning all loyalty to protect their asses, family turning on each other when money is involved, lovers abandoning each other for greener pastures and co-workers talking nice but stabbing you in the back when the opportunity permits.
Now, I find myself being so skeptical of people. They have to prove and re-prove their fealty before I can even think to give them my trust. My insecurities have become such a STRONG shield that I can't even begin to figure out how to break it down.
I set such a high hurdle for people which makes me think that's why I keep pushing people away. More so in my personal life vs. my professional one.
Does anyone have suggestions as to how to let go of past experiences to give new people the benefit of the doubt? Am I totally FUCKED and cursed with my past experiences? Should one give a second chance to those who have abandoned you in the past?
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2 comments:
Oh for GOD sakes!! FINE!! You can have the other reeces peanut butter cup.... sheesh!!! j/k
I believe in taking each day as it comes and believing in myself to do the right thing. Trusting yourself is such an important step in the process. Everyone is so different, that trying to use past experiences to judge a new relationship or friendship can only serve to hinder that relationship. Opening your heart is never an adventure easily taken when the past keeps adding locks to the door. Each day is a risk and each person is a risk, but that's what makes the adventure so worth taking. Without the risk, life is just a boring task of day to day hum drum..... I suggest renting the movie "Harold & Maude", it's not so much about trust, as it is taking each day as a gift and enjoying it to the fullest. All you can do with people is give them the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best.... trusting yourself is the most important piece of the game. Noone can be everything you'd like them to be, but if they love you and are truely someone who helps your life flourish that's the best type of person you should want them to be...... and if worse comes to worse..... the best of us true friends can all get together and help you bury the bodies in an unmarked grave somewhere in Mexico..... p.s. we need to remove the teeth so they wont have anything to identify the bodies with.....
Hope this helps buddy.
Love ya,
G.
You just have to do it, as hard as it can be. If someone can trust you, you have to learn to trust others. I usually am the same way but I can usually tell who I can trust and who I can not. Its more of a give and take relationship as it is with most. I think you did a good thing with evaluating your situation and realizing what you wanted to do. KUDOS!! -Jason
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