Jealousy

You know... Sometimes I wonder how people become jealous. Where does it come from? Why am I so jealous? I dunno...

It's good to a point. Jealousy can give you focus and direction. It can help you find a new job and better yourself personally. However, I seem to have stumbled over it once again.

I logged onto Friendster (use mnsmitty@hotmail.com to add me!) last night and saw that I had one message. When I clicked the link, it brought up the message center and the first message was a reply from John (a hunky law student who came to visit for LavLaw; whom I had sent a message to saying 'Nice to meet you'). I clicked on it and read it. Once I realized it was CM's message center I should have closed out of it, but I continued to read...

When they were all up here for the weekend, CM hung out with them and then invited me out with the later in the evening. We all danced and had a GREAT time.

As I read the message, CM apologized for 'Coming on too strong'. I immediately thought the worst, but instead of worrying about it I called CM. I apologized for reading his message (he said he probably would have done the same thing), and asked if he could explain what he meant by that.

He said the he had been flirting with John and just wanted to apologize in case John was offended. Both John and CM are in relationships and CM thought John may have thought it was inappropriate.

That was thoughtful of him. I'm glad I have a thoughtful boyfriend. :-)

I trust CM. I just need to curb my jealousy, let myself go and flirt a little bit more. Flirting can be for fun, not just for 'sport'. It's an insecurity that's developed from my previous relationships (with a boost from Society's 'The grass is always greener' mentality), but why should it have an effect on this one? It's MY choice. MY attitude.

I'm growing. I'm learning. I'm loving.

*PEACE*