Monday, February 28, 2005

I like these things:

This one I stole from Dan:

WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR BOOK COLLECTION? My Music theory textbooks from college.

WHAT DID YOU DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY? Went shopping at DSW. Tried to swing by Mikey's for some smooching and cuddling, but he was off playing taxi and I just got discouraged.

WHAT DID YOU GET ON VALENTINE'S DAY? On Valentines day? Nothing, but Mikey bought me 4 AWESOME shirts and 2 Pair of khakis for my present and we had dinner together the day before.

WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARNATEED WEEPING MOVIE?

IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? Lipo around the midsection

DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR? Yes... walking up stairs while it is dark downstair I get VERY paranoid that something is going to run up behind me and drag me into the darkness... but I ONLY get that feeling when I'm on a set of stairs.

WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENTS?Crossing my arms across my chest.

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS? No.

WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES? Cell Phone, Wallet, whatever cash I have, some sort of lip goo (non-colored), and my keys

WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A KID? Not having to pay bills, otherwise I'm still a kid.

WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO? Super Trooper by A*Teens

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY? Oh yeah... you're forced into it being a Theatre Major and all... even if you're focus is direction and scene design.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Oh yeah.

DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF? Yes, but I can frustrate the SHIT out of myself too.

DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU? Yes. I'm nt going to go any farther than that. Read my archives for the background.

WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY? Piano.

FAVORITE FABRIC?WTF? Fleece (the fake kind)?

WHAT'S ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN? Japanese. It's come in pretty handy for Final Fantasy XI.

WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR? A drink... what kind depends on the specials otherwise it's a Mandarin 7.

HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS? Nope.

DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS? Yup.

DO YOU DRIVE A STICK? I prefer them, but have an automatic right now.

FAVORITE TRAIT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? Personality and the fact that they can talk about men all the time and I can relate.

MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE? 2 black labs

WHAT ARE YOU BEST AT COOKING? Bacon-wrapped, Cajun Pan-Fried shrimp... and I make a mean shrimp scampe...

WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX? Nope.

WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY. Dawoo.

WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ? Fantasy books about dragons and magic and stuff...

IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Pay off all my debt. Pay off the debt of those close to me. Invest. Save. Build my own Bar and Grill. Travel.

DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS? Nope.

WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE? Play video games.

ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER? Depends on the situation, but I think i'm good at both.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? When Grandma passed away.

HOW MANY DRINKS BEFORE YOU'RE TIPSY/SLEEPY? Depends on what I'm drinking, but with Mandarin 7's, I'd prolly say 4-5. This is if we're talking about Doc's drinks at the saloon or if Marla is pouring when I visit her at work. Everywhere else... prolly 7-8.

Questions:

Hi-jacked from Mighty

First Name: Michael

Were you named after anyone? Nope

Do you wish on stars? No

When did you last cry? When my Grandma died

Do you like your handwriting? No... It's the cursive handwriting and printing equivalent to 'Spanglish'

What is your favorite lunchmeat? Honey Ham

What is your most embarrassing CD? Technotronic: Pump Up the Jam

Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Yes

Do looks matter? Yes

How do you release anger? Play with the dogs, Play video games (which sometimes induces MORE anger), play music... so, I pretty much 'play'

Where is your second home? Mikey's House

Do you trust others easily? Yes

What was your favorite toy as a child? BB gun... except when my Big Sister was at the other end of it and shooting me and my other sister with it.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yes, often.

Favorite movie(s)? Lord of the Rings Trilogy; Muppet Treasure Island; Mulan

What are your nicknames? Smitty; Michael Treading Water

Would you bungee jump? Can't say I would

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Sometimes

Do you think that you are strong? In some aspects

What is your favorite ice cream flavor? everything but the... by Ben and Jerry's

What are your favorite colors? RED

What are you listening to right now? an uber-ghetto Scion CD Sampler v.9

Last thing you ate? Blueberry Yogurt

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Candy-Apple Red

What is the weather like right now? Cloudy with flurries... about 23 degrees

Last person you talked to on the phone? The voicemail lady

Do you like the person who sent this to you? This doesn't really apply (because I just copied it off his blog), but yes, I do like Mighty.

How are You Today? Ok. Struggling with work-related happiness.

Favorite Drink? Absolut Mandarin and 7

Favorite Sport? to play: softball; to watch on TV: Iron Chef (the original); in person: Baseball

Hair Color? Brown

Eye Color? Brown

Do you wear contacts? Most days

Favorite Food? Pizza

Last Movie You Watched? Constantine

Favorite Day Of The Year? My B-day party @ Chuck E. Cheese

Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Happy endings

Hugs Or Kisses? Depends on the other person

What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Rhubarb Crisp -- Grandma Style

Living Arrangements? Lower-level of a duplex in S. Mpls with my friend Carlos and my two crazy (sometimes retarded) black-labs.

What Book(s) Are You Reading? The DragonLance Legends Trilogy by Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman

What is on Your Mouse Pad? It's a generic Dell.com one

What Did You Watch Last night on TV? The E! Oscars stuff until that fat-ass, God-blessed, know-it-all, all-about-me Star Jones was introduced.

Favorite Smells? Be Delicious by DKNY on Mikey; Bacon; cinnamon rolls baking in the oven

Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles

Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism? Both

Friday, February 25, 2005

DONE!!

It only took me 2 weeks to get through a 1,312 page book!!

The sad part is this was all done during my down-time at work. I never read ANY of this book outside of work. Scary, huh?

I bought myself another colleciton of books by the same authors. It's the DragonLance Legends collection. Should be fun!!

P to the O to the R to the N

For some reason on my walk home from work I declared last night the be the night I was going to purchase my first porn DVD. I figure most of the men I know have some sort of obsession with it and figure there's something I'm missing out on. Maybe I can spark within me a muscle, ass and dick obsession like them... Maybe that's what's missing?

For those of you who don't know me, I'm not a porn kinda guy. One of my friends took a smigeon of his porn collection and made me a DVD of still pictures and I think the only time I've played it was for CM and Carlos when CM found it in my room.

So, I walk into Rainbow Road drop my workout bag by the counter and head into the porn section. As I'm nearing the DVDs one of the gays from work SWOOPED in and the conversation went something like this:

'Hey Nick!' I said.

'Hey Mike, come in to get a new butt plug?'

'Yes, mine broke over lunch and I just haven't been the same without it' I replied oozing sarcasm.

Then he skittered ff with one of his slimy friends into the room where all the rentals are.

For some reason I was intimidated by the DVDs. I couldn't get up enough guts to go over and look through them for something I might want to watch. So, I walked over to the book section and I picked up one of the Chi Chi Larue Model books. Lots of hot guys, but I found myself commenting on their eyes...

I found an issue of MEN that had a HOT guy on the front and got my hopes up. I opened to where the model was and, although he was incredibly hot I kinda lost interest. He was cute, HUGE arms, beautiful chest, tattoos (ALWAYS a plus) and more than sufficient below the belt line. However, once his clothes were gone... so was all the intrigue.

I put the magazine back and headed to the DVDs. I began perusing the titles and somehow I didn't see anything that attracted me. I knew all of them involved gay sex or something along those lines, but I couldn't even think of what to buy.

Then, suddenly I felt all weird like someone was watching me and I hurried up to the counter (empty handed) to grab my bag. The old, twink wanna-be behind the counter was staring, intently, at me.

'Have a good night!' He said in what I thought was one of the slimiest tones I have ever heard. It'll be a while before I go in there alone again, and probably NEVER for porn.

I think I need to find some internet site that I can order from... that might be a safer route for me without feeling like all the eyes in the store are on me!

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Thoughts

Tons of feeling, thoughts, and moments keep passing through my mind...

Muddled together in the vast, swirling expanse of my melon are fear, irritation, boredom, excitement, discouragement, jealousy, pride, sadness, and elation. Most apply to different areas of my life, but some overlap or walk hand-in-hand with each other (even when they are polar opposites).

All this makes my life feel so unstable. Instability makes me nervous. Nervousness doesn't make me feel good.

I think things have to get a lot more unstable before life starts to feel 'right.'

Just need to tackle things one area at a time. I think that's my new mantra.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Dunner made the list!!

Apparently, Dunner has moved into the realm of 'Adult Content' according to my employer...

I HATE this new webserver system... I can buy shit on Ebay, Surf Target, Best Buy and overstock.com... I can buy a fucking HOUSE during business hours, but I can't read a website where someone might cuss now and again?

FUCKED UP!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

BLAME MIGHTY

If I get sick, I'm blaming Mighty...

He walked thru the blizzard last night from the Bolt to the Saloon... he looked like a drowned rat (but cuter) by the time I saw him. Apparently by the end of his trip he resembled Frosty The Snowman!

:-)

(Good to see you out Mighty!!)

Friday, February 18, 2005

Girl Scouts!

BEWARE!!

Those evil, little bitches are out in packs assulting you with boxes of cookies and stealing your money!!

At least they threw Peanut Butter Patties and Lemon Pastry Cremes my way! :-)

Thursday, February 17, 2005

I won't sleep well tonight.

I was just chased through the Skyway by Chistina Aguillera!! She was belting out 'Dirrrty' at the top of her lungs...

As my pace quickend I could feel her getting closer...

I hurried through the IDS center and tried to lose her in the sea of people but that bitch is RELENTLESS!!

She tailed me to Baker Center, but that be my 'hood' and I lost her there.

Terrifying. Simply terrifying. Stuff nightmares are made of.

Frozen...

My ass was the firmest it's EVER been this morning!!

No, it wasn't from any DYANMIC workout... it was from the fucking, cold-ass weather we're having. Fourteen dregrees isn't bad itself... but coupled with a 10 mph wind... that shit is COLD! Especially during a 1.5 mile walk into downtown... What was I thinking!?!

It's now about 11:30am and I'm regaining feeling in my tush. Too bad I have to walk back to my car this evening. *sigh*

Mental note: Swallow my pride and goto Wal-Mart for long underwear.
Mental note: Buy a flask for portable booze. Not a metal one tho... my lips would freeze to it on days like this.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

A Day at the Gym

OK... I know someone, somewhere wrote the gym rants were 'SO 2004' but I need to get this out in the air... It's more a story than a rant, but it kinda of encapsulates my fortune/misfortune.
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Last week, I headed to the gym on a Thursday afternoon a little later than normal. I get there and head into the upper locker room because I prefer not to shower with the kids who come in for swimming lessons. That wierds me out.

When you walk into the upper locker room, it kind of splits in two. To the left is the larger portion of the lockers, the showers, sauna and steamroom. To the right is a bathroom and a smaller section of lockers where I usually make my home.

I'm not one for exhibitionism and tend to be rather modest so I seek the seclusion of the little locker room. There is an understanding with the regulars of the afternoon that I have the last locker on the second row (left-hand side) and I expect at least one locker in between me and any other person. I've been at the gym for a while and I have just asked people to move. :-)

Anyway, I go about my business and Thursday is a 'chest' day, so I got a pretty good workout in but didn't give myself enough time to sit in the sauna.

I hurry and take a quick shower and head all the way across the locker room back to my area. I'm almost done getting dressed when he walks in...

He's about 5' 10', 150lbs, shaved head, goatee, scrawny veiny limbs and has an aura of icky-ness. I've seen him around before, actually chatted with him a bit (he's a chatty-cathy), and usually tried my hardest to avoid him at all costs.

He comes sauntering back into my area of the locker room and says, 'So, this is where he hangs out!' I'm trying to finish dressing ASAP but fumble because I'm feeling fairly uncomfortable... Mind you, he's wrapped only in his towel and not AT ALL attactive to me.

He continues, 'SO, do they still mess around back here? I used to have a locker back here and we'd fuck around ALL the time. Well, until they started breaking into the lockers and all the thefts happened. We all moved back into the main room.'

I made a comment about that kind of stuff happening in the steamroom and sauna and he decided to take it a bit further, 'Come on! It's fun to watch and kind of exciting! I bet you'd be fun to see with a hard-on!' I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door.

I don't think ANYONE could re-create the shade of red I turned... I just said 'It's not that impressive.' and he continued, 'I bet you have a boyfriend.' 'Yup,' I said putting on my coat. 'The solid boys like you ALWAYS do.'

At that, I bolted out the door...

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My question is: What does 'solid' mean? It's not used the same way 'husky' is used for kids, is it?

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentines Day!!

Cm and I celebrated Valentines Day AND 6 months of dating last night. It's hard to believe that we've been seeing each other for that long...

We ventured out to P.F. Changs for an EXCELLENT dinner and then a little bit of shopping in Southdale... It was a very nice evening!

Mikey also got me some GREAT clothes for Valentines Day!! I think he was sick of my other work clothes. :-)

Thursday, February 10, 2005

I {heart} CM!

I went over last night after work to drop off his parking pass which I had been using.

He bought me a book. It's a compilation of the first three books in the Dragonlance Chronicles and I had just finished that last book in the series. It's even annotated by the Authors!

I'm VERY excited to start reading it!! It's even autographed!

*SMOOOOOCHES* to Mikey!

Need a Change!

Aiight, Last night I got home and we had no Internet. Time Warner (in their self-proclaimed infinite wisdom) had applied the payment to the incorrect account and we were left out of service. I tried to talk Carlos into raising some hell, but he said he got scared. Anyway, it should be back on this morning, but too late for the big project I completed last night.

I went over to Mikey's and sent my resume to 10-15 employers that had been looking for people through Monster.com and careerbuilder.com. I applied for some business analyst positions, some QA positions and some support positions.

I'm really into testing new applications and trying to 'break' them. That's essentially what a QA person does. I'm proficient in manual testing, but the automated stuff is what I want to learn.

I put a good 3 hours into my search last night and i'll be hitting the papers this weekend.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I need a prescription...


Hola!

Sorry it's been so long for a posting, but I took a couple days off of work to rest and re-group.

I've been dealing with a headache since Saturday night, so my time off wasn't quite as peaceful as I had hoped for. I'm almost out of Advil and i've had enough caffine to kill a cow, but it still lingers. I've got to try my peppermint oil that I have here at work. It usually deadens some of the pain, so i'm optimistic.

I also had to take CM in for another follow-up with his surgeon. Apparently when the surgery was done the surgeon left the lower part of the cyst wall thinking it would be a problem. Right now there is some sort of ganulation tissue that keeps developing that tey need to 'burn off' to help promote the healing... ick... He's going to decide in 2 weeks if they need to go back in and remove the lower part of the cyst wall.

CM plans on going back to work tomorrow for a shortened day. It's kinda wild that it's been 3 weeks already...

So far, we've no plans for Valentines Day. We'd go out to dinner, but he's a bit self-consious about having to bring his special little cushion to sit on. So, it'll be a quiet night at home...

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Distractions...

I worked on my taxes all night tonight. I was trying to see if someone could give me a better refund than the other... nope. didn't happen.

I called CM around 10:15pm and was chatting with him. I also rememberd that I ate out today and was kinda feeling guilty about it. I had decided I should run to the store and get some groceries so I can make something to take with tomorrow.

So, I gather up my things and put the pups away... head out the door to Cub Foods. I'm still chatting with CM at this point and go into auto-pilot mode. I'm headed toward work. Shit!

35W doesn't have many grocery stores on it except the Quarry's Rainbow Foods. So, off I go.

I'm tooling around RF and grabbing all the fixings for a nice salad, some hot pockets and some sammich fixins... I get up to the register and I can't find my wallet. I looking in EVERY pocket, the cart, and I even ran out tot he car to see if I left it on the seat.

I went back into RF and told them I forgot my money. I thought I was going to die from the looks i was given... they weren't all that pleased.

So, moral of the story: Don't talk to cute boys while trying to leave to go somewhere... they make you funny in the head... Lesson learned.

Now I have to figure out what to do for lunch tomorrow... :-(

G'Night Peeps!

Question...

Why is it that straight men require a seat in between them at the movie theatres, but in an empty locker room they decide to saddle-up right next to you leaving very little room for the Holy Spirit?

I don't get it...

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Targay

Ok, as most of you know, I work at Target part-time. I am on my 4th year and only work one day a week. I need to relay some of my experiences because they are funny/strange and I keep forgetting to write shit down...

This past Saturday I had a guy approach me an lean in to ask me a question. He was cute, Carhart coat, baseball cap, scruffy-looking, whitetrash-ish, but had a nice butt... I could tell he was looking for something of a discreet nature. What could it be? Condoms? Lube? My number?

'I don't want to sound TOO gay, but where can I find the curling irons?' -- I find it quite ironic that with 8 other men working in the store, he seems to find the one gay man to ask this question to...

I send him on his way and went back to doing my work... After about 10 minutes he's back in Electronics and looking for games. My co-worker helps him out, but it appeared he felt a little awkward getting just a curling iron, because he spent another $80 on video games... When my co-worker scans the curling iron he made sure everyone in the vicinity heard 'That's NOT for me!'

Gotta love the straight boys!

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There is this woman that comes in EVERY Saturday... She's older, somewhat well-to-do, and COMPLETELY annoying. I find myself running in the opposite direction and hiding behind the kitty litter to avoid her questions...

when I first started, I didn't know any better. She'd catch me in the home office area and soon I'd become her personal shopper. Now, I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree but I DO catch on after a while.

What triggered it for me was one day I was working close to the front of the store, I WATCHED her walk in the front door and she found me within 30 seconds and said, "Excuse me, I've been looking for a few things and I just can't find them.'

BULLSHIT, SISTER!!

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Again, I was working in Electronics (closer to close), and a 'bear'-type gentleman comes up to me and starts asking me questions about portable DVD players. It was apparent he didn't know ANYTHING about them, but was intently listening to what I had to say.

We kept eye contact (i do that when trying to explain shit to people) and apparently his gaydar registered a 'blip'... Or at least he thought it did.

I was standing about 3 feet away from him and talking directly to him. I turned to refer to the players on display and I could see him looking at me the entire time and I caught something out of the corner of my eye.

His hand was slowly rising from him side and aimed for my crotch!! I started to panic a bit so I knelt down and opened one of the cases to grab a boxed player to occupy his friendly fingers.

Kneeling in front of a man making advances on you is NOT a good idea. He moved in closer, with crotch at eye-level, and began massaging himself.

Now, mind you, we've been talking about portable DVD players this whole time. I finally grabbed one fromt he case, stood back up and said, 'I think this one would be the best one for you.'

He agreed and followed me over to the counter. I rang it up, and swiped his first card... Declined.
I swiped the second card (check card) and it went through. This was back in the day when you actually had to sign paper at Target, so he gladly took the slip and signed it.

While signing he says, 'Maybe you could write your number down for me, just in case I have any questions about how to set it up...'

'Umm... You can just call the store and ask anyone in the department your questions.'

He proceeds to write his phone number on the charge slip and hand it over to me. I quickly shove it in the register and smile and take off for another part of the department. I find a co-work and she was like, 'Wow, you were with him for a while!'

I said, 'He wasn't interested in the DVD player at ALL!' I told her what happened and all she could do was laugh... I bet her he'd return it the next day.

Before close, I went to the service desk to pick up our things to put away and guess what I found?

The same DVD player I had sold an hour before... :-)

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And, the BEST for last...

Because of it's proximity to 'Swish and Disco', my Target is lovingly referred to as 'Targay.'

About a year after working there, I noticed a somewhat hot guy cruising me whenever he was in the store. He'd grab a book, stand at the end of the aisle I was working in and watch me work. I throw him a flirtacious glance and he'd smile; it's nice to be acknowledged once in a while.

One day, he had come up and asked me some questions about digital cameras (my forte) and I tried to help him understand it all. He said thank you and proceeded to the front of the store to check out. I had to pee badly, so I headed to the restrooms to relieve myself.

I made it up to the restrooms and bellied up to one of the unrinals. I hear someone come in (I don't look around when I'm doing that stuff) and enter the handicapped stall behind me. I don't think anything of it and finish my business. I really had to go so it took a bit to finish the job.

I close up shop, flush, turn around and the door to the stall is wide-open. This guy was standing at the side of the toilet, workout pants halfway down his thighs, and was pleasuring himself fiercely... I was stunned, so I know I looked longer than normal, but as soon as he said 'You look so much like Colin Ferrell!' I had to bolt. I was out of there SO fast and I think I was a brighter shade of red than my vest. And I didn't get to wash my hands...

I've never told ANYONE about that until now... And now I can't stop chuckling!

So, there ya go. A few stories to make you think twice about working retail as a second-job.

Later!